I was in work and I remember the day clearly. A busy, hectic day as usual and my dad called me. He was at the hospital with my mum and she had been sent for a scan. He told me that they had found a tumour and the prognosis was not good. Getting to the hospital was a blur, but I remember sitting with my parents in the hospital café and I’ll never forget hearing my mum said ‘I don’t want to die’.
At the time, I was in a very stressful job that constantly meant my mind was elsewhere. Looking back I did not know how to be present in the moment or how to rest. For the first time in a long time, I instantly knew what I needed to do. I knew I needed to resign from the job I was doing to be there for my mum. Of course, I needed to work, but I thought I would find a less all-consuming role and it would all sort itself out. I had a three month notice period and during that time every chance I could spend with my mum whether it be evenings or weekends, I did. I don’t think it had registered that we would lose my mum, so I was still thinking longer term and putting things into place. My plan was to take some time off work to help get my mum better once my contract ended. The end of my contract came and a week later my mum was admitted to hospital and passed away. It seems so silly to say this now, but at that time I just was not expecting it. Yes, we knew her illness was terminal, but we hoped she would have much more time.
At my mum’s funeral I wrote a tribute to her and it was clear that despite how beautiful, wonderful, kind, generous and caring she was, she never saw herself in that way. I still have people telling me stories about how she helped them, how she made them laugh, how she listened, how amazing she always looked – just to name a few. Of course, we as her family told her how much we loved her and appreciated all the wonderful things she did and how beautiful she was. However, in writing the tribute, it broke my heart that I didn’t really sit her down and tell her all the things that I had written to her beautiful face.
I know so many amazing people who don’t see themselves the way others see them or give themselves credit for all the wonderful things they are and do for other people. I wanted to understand why that was. With time, I also realised how unkind I was to myself, always worrying (about anything and everything), never feeling I was good enough, never comfortable resting, severely lacking confidence, not taking the time to ask myself what I want never mind being able to articulate it. Don’t get me wrong I was not severely unhappy, I was able to cope but that was my normal. The million thoughts that ran through my head following the loss of my mum led me here to creating Incredible You.
I want to help people realise their full potential personally and professionally. To help people stop focussing their time on things that are not serving them well, to help them change the negative inner chatter, to help people manage their emotions so they can live their life with clarity and confidence. It is not selfish to focus on yourself – it frees you up to be even more amazing for those you love.
